I am a great believer in honouring each stage of my life. I honoured grief by really feeling it and allowing it to wash over me and will continue to do so. I honoured a diagnosis of an illness as a time to stop and reassess how I was approaching my life. By honouring these stages and not ignoring them or running from them I have become more self aware, more resilient and have become acutely aware of who I am and what my strengths and weaknesses are.
I have spoken in great detail about my challenges with these changes in my life and I have been very vulnerable at times and will continue to do so. Writing and journaling has allowed me to express my deepest thoughts and feelings.
Many people who know me have commented on my general attitude and vibrance at the present moment and so I thought it would be remiss of me not to write about this stage of my life and celebrate it as well. In a nutshell, I am feeling sensational and unstoppable.
Starting over and rebuilding my life has not been an easy thing to do and I am not finished, in fact it will be a continuous process. I had to learn to be patient and gentle with myself by treating myself with love, compassion and understanding. I have had to learn to surrender to what is and embrace my reality.
In the process I seem to have rediscovered my own femininity and confidence which means I am proud of my body and instead of hiding it, which I often did, I am embracing it for what it is. I also continue to treat my body as a temple, nourishing it and appreciating it inside and out. Ultimately I have learnt to make peace with my body.
I now have an inner knowing of who I am and therefore have confidence in my own opinion, which in the past I sometimes did not trust or always listen to. This does not mean I need to express my opinion or force my ideas onto other people, in fact it means the opposite. I am more open to everyone’s right to have their own opinion because of the very fact that I myself value and trust my own.
Expressing gratitude daily has allowed me to value even the smallest and simplest things in my life. I use a simple app on my phone which alerts me at a certain time each day to record what I am grateful for. The app even allows me to add photos which I love because sometimes a photo tells a thousand words. (Check out Gratitude Journal in the AppStore! http://bit.ly/thegratitudeapp) “Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough” Oprah Winfrey
Another weird thing that I always do is have music playing around me, even when I am in the shower. There is something uplifting about rocking out to a song and dancing like nobody’s watching.
I also began by starting at the end by asking what kind of life I wanted to create for myself. With this beautiful image in my mind I was able to build my life. On the other hand, I also had to be flexible and sometimes go with the flow trusting life and stop waiting for my “real” life to begin.
All of this work and self-improvement has actually highlighted that the real me was here all along. It is interesting that the biggest changes occurred in my life when I started accepting my true and authentic self. Not until I realised I already had everything I needed in order to feel happy did I amazingly feel happier.
While feeling so good it shouldn’t come as a surprise, and yet it still does, that an equally emotionally intelligent man has stepped into my life who quite frankly puts a bright smile on my face. It is very early days but I am enjoying each moment and not looking too far into the future. As you all know I am a great believer in just valuing the present moment and not letting fear or my mind race ahead of me. Overthinking a situation can often diminish the fun and excitement of the moment and I intend on enjoying each moment (sometimes like a starry-eyed teenager).
So, in this very moment of my life, “I have found that if you love life, life will love you back” – Arthur Rubinstein