I have this belief that we are all here on Earth to learn lessons and sometimes I think that one of my goals for this lifetime is to learn emotional independence. What is emotional independence you may ask? Well to me, it is the realisation and recognition that one is responsible for creating one’s own sense of well-being and happiness.
I have spoken about this many times but am feeling closer to really embodying emotional independence for longer periods of time. I have learnt that there is a time for amazing connections with others and also time to be alone with my own company. There is a time for facing and healing the darkness, and a time for embracing and becoming one with the light; a time for adventure and activities and a time to rest. There is a time for everything.
I think the ultimate goal is to know ourselves, to accept ourselves, to love ourselves and to start living life from a more authentic, truthful and profound place.
When someone asks me a question I try to answer honestly. I try not to be influenced by other people. Sometimes I succeed but sometimes people can still press my buttons when my expectations are not met. At these times, I have to try and let go of my expectations. I will listen to their opinion but ultimately I listen to my own instincts and trust my own opinion. I now know what I like and do not like and this may confuse some people because it is different to what they thought. My mind or taste has not changed, I can just express it now without fear. I say ‘no’ when something does not suit me not to be rude but just because I value my own time. If a man is reading this he would be confused as to why someone would say ‘yes’ when they really mean ‘no’, but this is a common female dilemma in trying to please everyone. I no longer follow this people pleasing behaviour – no means no and yes means yes.
Other ways I am responsible for my own well-being is of course in the food I put into my body. I choose nutritious food that fuels my body and gives me the energy I need. I choose yoga, meditation, sound healing, massage and beautiful healers. I choose me.
This time alone with my three children has been a gift because I know them, I connect with them and I laugh with them. I am single in a romantic sense but you know what, I am happy and I love my life so if someone is going to be in it with me then I want them to be awesome. The ultimate act of self-love for me is to have a high regard for myself and not settle. I am ‘holding out’ and will not settle for ‘close enough’. I want depth, resonance, vulnerability and real connection. I have moments where I start to believe that I need someone to save me but then I remember that I am the heroine in my story. If I raise my standards the universe will meet me.
The great Wayne Dyer said “You cannot be lonely if you like the person you’re alone with.”
Emotional independence can be complex and yet simple. I am responsible for my own well-being and happiness. I cannot blame circumstance, my past or other people if I do not live my best life. I know that bad things can happen, I know that life can seem too hard and challenging but ultimately you are responsible for how you want the story to go. Write a good one!