By some very strange coincidence or example of sychronicity I just received the below message on my blog:
“It has been a while since you wrote a post. I hope this emotionally intelligent man is still putting a smile on your dial”
The short answer to this question is – no he isn’t and the long answer is slightly more complicated. Just last night the relationship ended after five months.
At first I was fearful that I would be back to where I started – alone and experiencing loss – but then I realised that I was not back there because I had learnt so many things in this relationship. He challenged me and pushed me out of my comfort zone and I am so grateful for this. I actually grew as a person. I actually really appreciated being given this opportunity to see another perspective, another point of view and I now know that I will always seek out someone who challenges me and someone that I can challenge, so we can evolve and grow together.
In reality no matter what positive perspective or spin I take from this relationship ending, it still hurts but I am prepared to be real and feel it. As always in my life I am not prepared to numb these feelings. A wonderful person recently said to me “you have survived worst” and I agree I know I have the strength to survive this but I also want to allow myself time to not push away the feelings. I will miss this amazing man who briefly came into my life. Whenever something great or funny or big happened it was truly wonderful having someone I could ring and share this with. Our phone calls at night and having his hand in mine was just so lovely. It is sometimes the little things that mean the most and it is often the little things that I miss.
It could have been different and I am totally prepared to take responsibility for this but I felt proud to tell my children that it is ok to want more and it is ok to ultimately think that you are worth it. I am on a very steep learning curve discovering my faults and imperfections, strengths and goals and that is definitely ok by me.
As I heal I can begin to focus on what makes my heart sing and appreciate everything that brings me joy in my life. It won’t be a walk in the park but hey I am up for it!
So today, this Fathers Day, I woke up to the most heartfelt cards from my children reminding me of the great job I am doing as both a Mum and Dad. We enjoyed a beautiful breakfast together and I know that no matter what happens, even when they can sometimes be teenagers, I will ultimately always have my greatest supporters standing right next to me in happy and sad times.
Happy Fathers Day everyone!