Recently I was in a meeting and was asked what was on my ‘bucket list‘. As the person sat with his pen poised ready to write my list I blankly looked up and said ‘nothing‘. This made me question – should I have a list? Should I establish some goals in my life? I know I would eventually like to move out of my house to a low maintenance unit but apart from the unit I could not think of anything else.
Then the question arose – Am I putting my life on Hold? Am I in a holding pattern? What am I waiting for?
Do you sometimes feel like this? I see other people moving along in their lives and relationships while I seem stuck. Sometimes I take two steps forward and one back like a repetitive dance. Don’t get me wrong, I am immensely proud of how far I have come especially with my health and wellbeing. I just think it might be time to think even bigger.
Then it occurs to me that when I see people rushing around so busy, not able to give you any of their time I get very annoyed. I feel frustrated. I don’t understand why people fill their lives so full that they miss out on the very simple things. Rushing here and rushing there just does not make sense to me. For me, there seems to be a fine line between busyness and being what I call stuck. But am I really stuck?
Do I need to start making a list and start making some plans? Is it really necessary for me to be busy chasing after all sorts of things that I believe will make me happy? Do I want to live in a constant state of waiting for something magical to happen to me?
I am often seeking my life purpose wanting to know where it will lead me. Secretly I would love to be asked out on a date with a man but am unsure how to make this happen (sorry online dating is not for me). I would love to work a few days a week in a fulfilling job. But these things require me to go into unchartered territory. What if I was rejected or what if I fail? Am I safer watching a movie on the couch with my children on a Saturday night? Or should I place my trust in the universe and have faith that all will happen at the right time? I wonder if there is a plan for me and I will someday look back and say – Oh I get it now, I needed that time. Why is it that the next moment seems to be better and more important than this one I am in? Is it possible for me to let go and surrender to whatever I am experiencing right now?
I think I need to stop waiting for my life to begin and as hard as it is, try to live in the present moment.
As Eckhart Tolle suggests in his book The Power of Now –
“Most people treat the present moment as if it were an obstacle that they need to overcome.
Since the present moment is life itself, it is an insane way to live”.