Here we are again, celebrating Australia Day. Which also means it has been four years today since my husband died.
This big question I have been asking myself is ‘How am I going?’
I have learnt how to make nourishing and rejuvenating choices for my body, mind and soul.
I try to live a life without unnecessary drama or over scheduling,
I have learnt how to keep my body active
I have grieved and taught my children how to openly grieve.
I remember my husband by openly talking about him.
I engage in daily conversations with my children about their Dad, remembering his many funny quirks.
I have taught my children to laugh and enjoy life even when faced with tragedy.
I have developed deep and meaningful relationships with family and friends.
I have found my own voice.
I have connected with my deepest honest thoughts.
I used journals and my blog to express myself.
I have learnt to practice gratitude.
I have understood the many lessons that can be gained from tragedy and loss.
I have allowed my grief to be felt.
I have achieved a great many things yet my loss is still in the forefront of my life. It still plays a prominent part and can still cripple me at even the most unexpected times.
My husband left a letter for me before he died:
“You have lived and given up one life with me and for me,
and now you have another life to live sweetie.
You have to be open-minded to being happy again”.
So I wonder am I living my life? Do I put walls up around me in fear of being hurt again? Am I brave enough to really leap into life with both feet? These are all questions that I am currently contemplating and hopefully as 2015 progresses I can begin to answer them honestly. I am very grateful for my husbands brave and insightful words because they remind me to examine how I am tracking.
Today as we place our Australian Flag tattoos on our skin and dress in Australian colours I am proud of how far I have come but am also mindful and patient of how far I have to go. As we enjoy our traditional Aussie barbecue we remember and honour a beautiful man who was only here for forty years yet made a huge impact.
He is like a shining light in our lives, forever brightly shining and forever in our thoughts today and everyday.
Happy Australia Day Everyone!
26th January 2010