I live an abundant life but sometimes it is so tricky to remember this. There are moments that I feel as though my life is lacking. In turn, I begin searching externally for something that can only be obtained from within.
This week I had a couple of wake-up calls.
I went to a funeral, like many of us do. As I watched the strong and courageous new widow I was transported immediately back to the day I was given this same role. How quickly my mind returned to this period, how quickly my heart ached for this family experiencing such loss. Memories filled my mind and I physically felt the full impact of my loss again.
This week I also saw Robbie Williams perform live and as he began to sing the song ‘Angels’ I was transported back to my husbands coffin being carried out of the church. I remembered my son bravely carrying his dad as I followed holding my daughters hands in mine, squeezing their fragile hands to find strength at this moment. An amazing singer sang this song brilliantly at my husband’s funeral and it always evokes such deep emotion.
As Robbie continued singing ‘Angels’ I remembered a moment when my husband was alive and we were driving to our favourite place at the beach. In the car, we all loudly sang the lyrics, as the five of us like to do, as we blasted it through the radio. I remember my husband loudly singing “down the waterfall wherever it may take me”.
In the concert, as I felt my sisters gentle knowing hand comfort me, the tears began to be replaced with a feeling of strength and pride. I sang along with Robbie Williams that night and more than ever the line “I know that life won’t break me” felt like it belonged to me. It felt like it had become my motto, my anthem.
This week felt like a week of reliving moments in my past. I went back to very dark times and very happy times. I watched a new widow on the very beginning of her journey. At first I felt the full impact of these painful memories but then I was reminded of how far I have come.
So instead of thinking of my life as lacking I began looking at my life as a multitude of lessons that continue to shape me. Abundance appears in many different shapes and forms. I just need a reminder sometimes on how to see them. Nothing is ever lacking if you keep an open heart.
So next time,
“When I’m feeling weak
And my pain walks down a one-way street
I look above
And I know I’ll always be blessed with love” – Robbie Williams – Angels.