Making Decisions Alone


An aspect of being a widow that I didn’t expect was the frustration I feel making every single decision in our household.

This week I purchased a new television.

Some may say that it would be wonderful not to have to debate with someone else over every decision. However, I truly do sometimes wish that I didn’t have to decide on everything from what’s for dinner to what brand of television I should buy to is that movie appropriate for a 15 year old. I am getting fairly savvy at making decisions so shouldn’t really complain but every now and then I would love someone else to take charge. I would love someone to help the kids with homework and of course tell me to sit down and they will cook dinner (but doesn’t everyone?)

It may not be politically correct to admit this but every now and then I would love to be taken care of instead of taking care of others. I have read heaps about self care and have even written about how important it is and truly believe that.  BUT sometimes isn’t it natural to want a small holiday from being IN CHARGE? On the flip side of the coin I would hate someone telling me what to do so I seem to have a slight conundrum.

I guess it is all about learning to trust my own judgment. It is also about embracing my independence and valuing it and the lessons it teaches me.  It is also ok to throw your hands up and admit that life can sometimes get overwhelming. It is not really my style or goal to be a complainer but every now and then I dream about not being the sole CEO of our family every minute of  every day.

Most of the time though, I love it!


4 Replies to “Making Decisions Alone”

  1. I have never known you to complain about anything! However, when I am in this same place, it’s usually because I have not allowed myself to receive. To receive from the beautiful energy that is around me or from others who want to support me. Ask, allow, receive and rejuvenate. You may be surprised who makes the next decision! xx Karen

  2. When we decide that we are going to have our first baby all we dream about is that tiny bundle in our arms. We never contemplate the thousands of meals, millions of decisions, sticky moral dilemmas we find ourselves in with our teens. Wow it is a journey and at times an exhausting and overwhelming one which is indeed made easier when we have someone that we can pass the batten to when we need. I hear you loud and clear and understand that life must at times feel awfully daunting. The beauty is that you have it within you to continually dig deep day after day but it is also okay to throw your hands in the air and just say ” You know, today I just don’t have it in me.” That Mel is being human and that is okay. Be kind to yourself.

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