An aspect of being a widow that I didn’t expect was the frustration I feel making every single decision in our household.
This week I purchased a new television.
Some may say that it would be wonderful not to have to debate with someone else over every decision. However, I truly do sometimes wish that I didn’t have to decide on everything from what’s for dinner to what brand of television I should buy to is that movie appropriate for a 15 year old. I am getting fairly savvy at making decisions so shouldn’t really complain but every now and then I would love someone else to take charge. I would love someone to help the kids with homework and of course tell me to sit down and they will cook dinner (but doesn’t everyone?)
It may not be politically correct to admit this but every now and then I would love to be taken care of instead of taking care of others. I have read heaps about self care and have even written about how important it is and truly believe that. BUT sometimes isn’t it natural to want a small holiday from being IN CHARGE? On the flip side of the coin I would hate someone telling me what to do so I seem to have a slight conundrum.
I guess it is all about learning to trust my own judgment. It is also about embracing my independence and valuing it and the lessons it teaches me. It is also ok to throw your hands up and admit that life can sometimes get overwhelming. It is not really my style or goal to be a complainer but every now and then I dream about not being the sole CEO of our family every minute of every day.
Most of the time though, I love it!