When someone’s light is blown out in your life you have a major decision to make. You can long for that light, which is something I often do, but also you can search for your own light. For me when my husband died a little light died in me as well. Relighting this light or finding that spark again is quite a challenging job. There are times when I just can’t imagine life without him and then there are glimpses of my light shining brightly trying to fill the void that is ever present.
I have worked tirelessly to ensure my health and emotional wellbeing were strong and resilient. An interesting and mysterious part of grief is the way it dims your spark without you really even knowing. This darkness can be in the form of grief but also as fears or obstacles that present themselves in our lives. Sometimes I use this darkness as an opportunity to grow my inner light. When I allow my true self to shine suddenly I can feel like I am breaking through from darkness into light.
There are times in the darkness that I wonder ‘Is the human heart large enough to encompass more than one grand romantic love?’ This is a question that I have been pondering lately and as each day is different so is the answer. I have briefly (1 week) put my little toe in the pond of online dating, attended a singles cocktail party and am now leaving it all up to fate. There are days that I understandably feel very alone but then there are days when I feel totally at peace and complete.
As lovely as it would be to have companionship or experience a connection with another person I do not need to be paired off to be happy.
Live fearlessly. Live fully