Yesterday a good friend asked me “how was your week” and I explained that I find the first week of school difficult. She quickly stated “why didn’t you call me?”
Great question I thought. Why don’t I call out to friends when I am having a tricky week?
I tend to focus on being my own healer which works but there are also times that I would benefit from making real connections with people.
There are a few reasons that I don’t call out for help:
1) I often feel that if I tell people how I feel then I will be labelled a downer, bore, dull or party pooper.
2) I am actually paranoid about adopting a victim mentality or being perceived as a victim. My goal is to see blessings in everyday. Victims traditionally are people who believe that something or someone is externally controlling their life. They are constantly asking WHY: why me? To avoid the stigma of this personality trait I tend not to share how I am feeling freely.
3) Have you ever noticed how traffic slows down after a car accident? People want to catch a glimpse of the damage and take a mental snapshot. We are drawn to horror even as we recoil from it. Sometimes I feel a little like I am the car accident and people only slow down to see what it is like to experience the death of a partner. Again this could be a total misconception on my part. Evidently I need to work on trusting that people are in my life because they like ME not my story.
4) I assume that everyone has important things happening in their own lives.
5) Developing real connections means being vulnerable and that means being honest.
I worry that people will think that I should be ‘over it‘ by now – grief I mean. Mind you if I stop and look back at how far I have progressed and worried less about being “over it” I could appreciate the healing that I have accomplished. I am going to move forward in my own way and in my own time.
7) I am not entirely sure how to ask for help.
So how can I turn this around?
Firstly, I find writing greatly therapeutic. It allows me to examine how I am feeling and articulate it in a way that I find comforting and healing.
Give honesty a go. As I previously mentioned I find the first week of school and time leading up to it quite difficult. The memories of this time three years ago are just so vivid. My children started their first day of school and my husband passed away the next day. Warning teachers that my children’s world was about to be dramatically changed was heartbreaking.
My goal going forward is to let go of my beliefs and open myself up to the many special people in my life. It is always very good to remember that we are all interconnected and everyone could do with some help or just a friendly chat sometimes.
Being yourself is a challenge but being aware of your own true beliefs is a great start to the healing process.
I don’t think I am alone by thinking like this – so look out because I will be there for YOU if you need a smile, hug or sympathetic ear.
Today as I start a new week I feel revived and ready to take on the world again.
Related post – Thats what friends are for