Blurred vision was the first sign that something was wrong. I thought it was simply sunscreen in my eye when my concerned sister-in-law suggested I see a doctor. Over the next six weeks I went from the GP to an Ophthalmologist and finally a Neurologist who after a lumbar puncture and MRI diagnosed me with Multiple Sclerosis on the 28th February, 2012.
My current course of treatment is weekly injections of Interferon which often means every Wednesday I experience the side effect of flu-like systems.
My MS nurse who visits all newly diagnosed patients made a very interesting remark. She told me that every newly diagnosed patient she sees has a story. This story could be a difficult divorce, selling a home, moving house or some type of stressful situation. Isn’t that an interesting observation?
I will never forget the feeling of missing my late husband all over again and wondering how I could handle this on my own. I felt more alone than ever. I had cared for my darling husband for two and a half years while he battled Cancer and yet here I was having to fight the battle of my life alone. I also wondered why my three children were back visiting me in hospital when they had spent more time in a hospital with their dad than most children should. I was confused and alone even though I was surrounded with loving family and friends. In addition my hope had diminished. I wondered who would love me like this? I thought I was damaged.
Not until today while articulating my thoughts of this time did I become aware of the fact that I was not only grieving the loss of my husband but I was also grieving the loss of my health.
Two months after being diagnosed I hit rock bottom and then something happened – I said “enough” and consciously made the decision to
I decided to honour my life by living it to the full. Life is a gift meant to be enjoyed, not just endured. I began to think about Multiple Sclerosis in a different way. I stopped fighting it and began to flow with what was happening in the moment.
This reminds me of my late husbands favourite quote: